Picking a new Commode for John Thain

January 23rd, 2009

Commodes are interesting. Commodes are important for bankers. If you are going to lead a large bank through a credit crisis, you probably want a good commode. Some of the smartest guys on Wall Street like fancy commodes. Here is a nice commode, an “English Breakfast Commode,’ from 1772. I am not sure if it helps you identify a bad loan.

The kind of commode John Thain can appreciate

Now that John Thain won’t have access to his $35,000 commode, he’ll have to find one for his “home office.”

More About Commodes

There are times when nothing else will do. You just need a commode. Now, some people will argue that one commode (like John Thain’s) is different than some other commode. And then again, some will say that a commode is a commode.

Tell you what: Wal-Mart has a nice bariatric steel commode. It can be bought and delivered for just $77.68. It will hold up to 850 pounds.

American Home Products has a stainless steel commode for just $54. That’s a lot of savings!

Some people have pointed out that John Thain’s commode isn’t like the one at Wal-Mart. I would have to agree. John’s is a lot better. It actually has a lot of functionality that you can’t get from one of these bariatric steel jobs. You can wash your hands in it!

Now that’s good. I suppose John is washing his hands of a whole lot these days.

Alternatively, John Thain could get himself a new commode that has a more rustic, open air of feeling. Something that helps him get in tune with the feelings of the taxpayers, who are going to take the bath on the losses.

Remember, that the deal that BAC worked on the merger with MER said that BAC would only take the first $10 billion in losses. Then, after that, the next $90 billion in losses are taken by either the Treasury Department or the Federal Reserve. So, it looks like Ken Lewis is made because that $15.5 billion pretty much exhausts all of the $10 billion that he stood to lose. But now, each additional dollar in losses is coming off of the taxpayer.

Here is a commode for the American taxpayer, after he is done paying the losses on these loans. Maybe Ken Lewis can put some of those Merrill loans in it, too.